Know your Worth - Not Just Your Net Worth

How Financial Value and Personal Value Get Confused, and What to Do About It

We live in a culture obsessed with numbers: follower counts, salary bands, net worth. And because numbers are easy to compare and hard to ignore, it’s no surprise that net worth has quietly crept into our internal measurement of self-worth. But let’s be clear: net worth is a financial snapshot, a balance sheet. Self-worth is a life portrait. It is a measure of your character, convictions, and contribution. Conflating the two isn’t just inaccurate, it’s dangerous.

Why? Because when you confuse what you have with who you are, you put your identity on the auction block.

The Reciprocity Between Self-Worth and Net Worth

To be fair, the two are not entirely unrelated. A strong sense of self-worth can increase your chances of building net worth. When you believe in your own value, you negotiate more confidently, set clearer boundaries, and command more respect. And people respond to that. They want to mentor you. Partner with you. Open doors for you. Because in the eyes of others, how you treat yourself teaches them how to treat you.

But net worth can also influence self-worth, at least temporarily. Financial security reduces stress. Wealth affords you freedom and control, which psychologically reinforces agency, autonomy, and self-efficacy. All of which feel like confidence. All of which feel like worth.

Yet the danger is this: if your sense of self is anchored solely to your financial status, your identity becomes vulnerable to market conditions. Lose the money, lose the identity. Even worse, keep the money — and you may still lose the joy. That’s the paradox: people who tie their worth to wealth often become more anxious once they have it, not less. Why? Because now they have something to lose. And loss aversion as every behavioral economist will tell you, is a much more powerful motivator than potential gain.

In other words, financial success can make you louder, but it won’t make you wiser.

Why Accurate Self-Appraisal Is Hard — and Rare

There’s a deeper challenge here. Knowing your worth requires accurate self-appraisal. And accurate self-appraisal is rare, even among highly intelligent people. Why? Because the human brain prefers fixed ideas to dynamic truths. Once we form a belief about ourselves, we tend to stick with it even if it’s outdated, incomplete, or inherited.

Ever been labeled “the shy one” or “the dependable one” in your family? Those scripts are sticky. They resist update. Why? Because your brain conserves energy by remembering, not rethinking. But remembering keeps you rooted in the past. Self-worth requires living in the present.

And then there’s wishful thinking. We don’t just lie to others — we lie to ourselves. Sometimes we overestimate (“I’m destined for greatness”), sometimes we underestimate (“I’m not leadership material”). But both are distortions. The antidote is Socratic questioning. Ask open-ended, honest questions about what we actually bring to a room, to a relationship, to a role.

Start here:

• What specific quality do I bring that others value?

• What do I like about myself?

• What do people consistently appreciate about me?

And if you’re still unsure, look at the people you admire. Why them? What traits do they embody? The answer to that question is also an answer about you - because admiration is a mirror. We admire in others what we value in ourselves, consciously or not.

The Moral and Career Currency of Self-Worth

Let’s shift to the workplace. Self-worth is not the same as employee value. One is about who you are; the other, what you do. Don’t confuse the two. Your title is not your identity. Saying “I am a psychologist” implies you are your job. Try “I work as a psychologist” instead. It’s a subtle but powerful linguistic reframe. It separates your being from your doing.

Now, here’s the persuasive kicker: Knowing your self-worth isn’t just about self-esteem — it’s about negotiation. When you know what you’re truly capable of, you can set fair boundaries, advocate for yourself, and hold others accountable. This isn’t just spiritual fluff, it’s strategy. Confidence built on clarity is harder to shake.

Strengths That Can Sabotage

Even your strengths need self-awareness. Every virtue, unchecked, becomes a liability:

• Empathy can become over-sensitivity.

• Honesty can become over-sharing.

• Focus can become obsession.

The difference is often intent, and ego. Are you acting from grounded purpose, or from the need to prove something? Are you trying to serve, or to impress? Be honest. Then own your behavior and refine it.

Context Matters — But Character Matters More

In a culture saturated with relativism (“It depends,” “Who’s to say?”), it’s tempting to believe everything is subjective. But career success and life fulfillment depend on universal virtues. Psychologists and philosophers alike have found six that span centuries and civilizations:

• Wisdom: making sound judgments

• Courage: facing difficulty with resolve

• Justice: acting fairly

• Temperance: exercising restraint

• Transcendence: connecting to meaning

• Humanity: showing compassion

Your self-worth isn’t how much you own. It’s how much of these you embody.

Final Persuasion: Why It Pays to Know Your Worth

In Influence, the principle of consistency tells us people are more likely to follow through on actions that align with their identity. That’s why you must build your self-worth before your net worth. Because money will only amplify the self you’ve already built. If that self is grounded, growth will feel expansive. If it’s shaky, growth will feel hollow.

So ask yourself:

• Are you building a portfolio, or are you building a person?

• Is your behavior an asset or a liability?

• Is your character a source of wealth or a source of debt?

Know your worth. Then build your net worth on top of it — not in place of it.

Because true wealth isn’t measured by what you have, but by how well you know who you are.

-E.S